What Lies Beneath
I was lost. Miserably lost.
This was six months after deciding a corporate career/life was no longer for me.
Corporate was all I had known. I didn’t know what to do. But I knew I wasn’t going back. Call it my gut, call it divine guidance, or just sheer stubbornness, the message was clear — do not go back.
So I wandered. For almost two years.
During those two years, faint visions of what I wanted to do started to form. But I had no idea of the how, or if anything would come of them. There was no map, or if there was, I couldn’t read it.
But I tried anyway.
Some things worked. A lot didn’t. Often, in frustration, I’d check back in with my gut/divine/stubbornness — time to quit and go look for a real job? “Nope, keep going”.
Peaches.
When I look back at the past two years, I see frustration, pain and a lot that didn’t pan out. That’s the glass half-empty view.
But there was also incredible growth. Maybe not as much I had hoped for externally, but a complete inner transformation.
The person who started this journey two years ago is no longer here.
He was someone with outer success in the conventional sense. But his roots were shallow, rotten even, with little grasp of who he was, what he was doing or why, and what he really stood for. Which is why he was being guided to tear it all down and rebuild.
This rebuild forced me to look within. To finally face myself, and understand myself. To make out the real me from all the fear and gunk accumulated over time. And as I did this, little by little, the roots grew deeper. The foundation grew stronger. My purpose and why became clearer.
While my outer reality is still far from perfect, I now know no wind or storm can sway me away from my purpose. I can now immediately discern what is for me, and what isn’t. What deserves my time/energy, and what doesn’t.
And most important, I now have the confidence to know what I am worthy of, and what I am deserving of. This gives me the confidence to wait. To wait for great, and no longer settle for “good enough”. Whether it be in career, business or relationships.
This is the glass half-full view.
This is the power of being deeply rooted. You have to be firmly grounded in yourself to know what you want, and what you deserve. It’s so easy to get caught up in the outer, at surface level. But no amount of outer effort will make up for weak or shallow roots.
And roots grow in the dark, away from the shine and glory. By turning within. By facing yourself. By becoming still enough. By being patient enough with yourself. By letting go, maybe even getting lost like I did (not a requirement or recommended). This makes space for your inner self to speak and for you to finally be able to hear.
All it takes is having the courage to look beneath the surface.
Happy Journeying.
Originally published at https://noheartnoglory.substack.com on July 25, 2021.
